In 2019, I briefly moved back home to be with my sister as our mother passed away.
My ex husband’s mom and dad were so kind to allow me to stay at their house, close to my mother, until I could figure out a sort of timeline while awaiting mom’s official diagnosis.
I knew by being there I would eventually run into my ex.
I hadn’t seen him since my son’s graduation where he showed up sweaty, inebriated and at the end because he fell asleep in his car.
There had also been multiple times where my ex had called me, drunk and reminiscent. Let’s just say, in another story I’ll tell later, I had already learned my lesson with ex’s and reminiscing. It’s bad juju. Don’t recommend. I just let him talk till he got bored and would hang up on me.
I wasn’t worried about him. I was worried about my mother and if her illness was going to force a move back to a state that I strongly disliked. I didn’t know what he thought about my being there, and I didn’t care.
His girlfriend cared. A LOT. Understandably so.
One evening my ex and his girlfriend’s son came by the house. I was in my bedroom, door locked, going through some old photos my sister had given me when I hear a knock at the door.
Thinking it was my ex mother in law, I opened the door, only to discover it was the boy. It was 1am. I asked him where my ex was? He told me he was asleep on the couch. Then he tells me he’s hungry and wants to go home.
I got up, took his hand and said “I’ll wake him up.” We walked to the living room. It was dark, the only light was from the tv. I see my ex, sprawled out on his mother’s couch, snoring.
I remember staring at him and thinking “Damn dude, you still do this?” I knew there would be no waking him up. I had seen this song and dance way too many times.
I asked the boy where his mom was. He didn’t know. I asked him what he wanted to eat? He said he wanted candy and a soda. It’s 1am. Both of his parents were… out. So I told him I would go to 7-11 and grab him some snacks. Kinda broke my heart when he asked if he could come with me.
“Aw, no baby. You need to stay here just in case your daddy wakes up or your momma comes by. Okay? I won’t be long.”
When I got back, I set him up with snackies and blankets and changed the channel from whatever dumb space shit my ex had been watching to PBS Kids, cause why not learn something while your Dads a complete moron?
I told him if he got scared or needed anything to come get me. Then I went to my room.
The next morning, I wake up to find that they had left. When? Who knows. Never heard them leave.
My ex decided he was going to make dinner for the whole family that evening. I promised his mom I would be there after my visit with my family.
It was almost dark when I made it back to the house. All the lights were on and I could see my ex moving back and forth in the kitchen. He was a Chef. Is, a Chef. I walked in the house and said my hello’s, when his girlfriend comes up to me and says “Hey, can we talk? Outside?”
She was standing a little too in my face when she said this. Her posture suggested I might be in trouble, but what would I be in trouble for? I said sure, and we made our way out the front and onto the driveway.
She then starts in on a whole he’s my man type tirade, which I quickly interrupted.
“Listen, the rents were awesome for letting me stay here. I really needed it. I am in Oklahoma for one reason and one reason ONLY and that is my mother. You guys are aware she’s dying, right?”
What I wanted to say was, I was married to that man for 10 years. He was a lousy husband and a sorry excuse for a parent. The ONLY thing he taught me was how to punch a man in the fucking face. Also, have you seen my boyfriend? My hot, sexy, skateboarding boyfriend? Girl, I would NEVER risk what I have for THAT. Or anyone from back home, for that matter. Yuck!
She looked shocked. She took a step back. I looked at her and said “I’m not the enemy.”
She told me she guessed she didn’t fully understand why I was there, that she was sorry to hear about my mom. I appreciated that. I then told her how, depending on my mom’s illness, I would be looking for an apartment or some other place to stay if the doctors told me it might be lengthy.
She looked relieved.
Then we went in and had dinner. It was literally that simple.
Mom is dying, don’t want your man.
Still the villain.
Why? Well, I am THE best of friends with my ex sister in law. We vacation together. We talk on the phone almost daily. She’s planning to move up here to New England to work on her Masters. I love her endlessly, and it’s a relationship I’m not willing to give up. It’s not a friendship I have out of spite, either. It’s a good, solid, mature, fun friendship we’ve spent YEARS building. In that respect I say, be jealous or build your own relationship. Those are your choices. OR, I can remain the villain.
Either way, whatever.
The Confessional 